Appointment Scheduled and Rants on (In)fertility

So the IVF clinic called and I scheduled the first available appoitment - Febuary 4th! I am excited, but it seems like it is taking forever to get here. At least when we go I will (hopefully) get a schedule for when we can finally start the process. I know my RE said we would probably do birth control in March and stims/retrieval/transfer in April, which if we got pregnant would likely mean an early January 2014 due date! I reviewed the packet on the IVF guarantee and it seems we should qualify, so hopefully I won't have to do a bunch more tests at my appointment.

Right now I am on CD20 and am either 11dpo or 7dpo. My bbt spiked really high on CD12 then dropped back below coverline for 3 days, then shot back up (CD16) and has been climbing since. K went out of town so we only bded CD9 and CD12. We made a last chance effort this month using mucinex, preseed, and soft cups. I still have hope that we will get pregnant before the IVF appointment, but I know it is extremely unlikely.

Now onto my rant. I have been working in a pediatric clinic the last 2 weeks and I have seen soo many children. I am happy to see the children and in fact seeing the children doesn't make my uterus hurt. But when I see some of the parents of these children I get very jealous/enraged/confused. There have been many great parents, but there have also been so many parents where I wonder "How come you get to be a parent and I don't." I know my feelings aren't kind/generous/understanding, but I need to get this rant out. I have seen several children who were shaken as babies and now are permanently disabled, yet still live with their parents. I have seen parents who can't financially support their children, yet still have multiple children, generally spaced out every 11 months. I have seen parents who are drug addicts and alcoholic. Parents who don't seem to care about their children. And each time it makes my heart hurt. I want a child so badly, and K and I could financially support our child, love our child, and appreciate our child, yet we can't concieve one, even after a year of trying. I can't help but question why?