Sunday, January 20, 2013

Appointment Scheduled and Rants on (In)fertility

So the IVF clinic called and I scheduled the first available appoitment - Febuary 4th! I am excited, but it seems like it is taking forever to get here. At least when we go I will (hopefully) get a schedule for when we can finally start the process. I know my RE said we would probably do birth control in March and stims/retrieval/transfer in April, which if we got pregnant would likely mean an early January 2014 due date! I reviewed the packet on the IVF guarantee and it seems we should qualify, so hopefully I won't have to do a bunch more tests at my appointment.

Right now I am on CD20 and am either 11dpo or 7dpo. My bbt spiked really high on CD12 then dropped back below coverline for 3 days, then shot back up (CD16) and has been climbing since. K went out of town so we only bded CD9 and CD12. We made a last chance effort this month using mucinex, preseed, and soft cups. I still have hope that we will get pregnant before the IVF appointment, but I know it is extremely unlikely.

Now onto my rant. I have been working in a pediatric clinic the last 2 weeks and I have seen soo many children. I am happy to see the children and in fact seeing the children doesn't make my uterus hurt. But when I see some of the parents of these children I get very jealous/enraged/confused. There have been many great parents, but there have also been so many parents where I wonder "How come you get to be a parent and I don't." I know my feelings aren't kind/generous/understanding, but I need to get this rant out. I have seen several children who were shaken as babies and now are permanently disabled, yet still live with their parents. I have seen parents who can't financially support their children, yet still have multiple children, generally spaced out every 11 months. I have seen parents who are drug addicts and alcoholic. Parents who don't seem to care about their children. And each time it makes my heart hurt. I want a child so badly, and K and I could financially support our child, love our child, and appreciate our child, yet we can't concieve one, even after a year of trying. I can't help but question why?


  1. First of all, I'm so glad you commented and I now know about your blog! I'm looking forward to following you and these next few months as we venture into the IVF world together. Looks like we will be doing this really close to the same time! Crazy that we started this together so long ago.

    The question of why hits me way to often these days. It's not fair. Big hugs to you and here's to successful April IVF's!!

    1. I am so happy we can share this journey together! It seems a lot less scary when I have a friend to go through everything with :)